Maybe a lot of us would be facing the same trouble, but at this time of the year, is the time where I lose most of my confidence. I really hate the fact that I have two super smart and capable sister, adding to it, another smart and capable cousin whom achieved all I can before me, and a better brother after me.
Being the middle child in the family, I am always lacked of attention. I am not as sociable as my eldest sister, I am never as smart as my second sister, never as pretty as my cousin. All of them is making me slowly life in the family without getting notice.
I superly hate when it is nearing Chinese New Year and we would have to go back for reunion, because it is the time I felt least exist. I never liked crowd, I love the quiet and easy world, but this is when the crowd would come and compare. Whenever the topic comes to me, be it a good result, or a change in my look, no one cares. When I had gotten a good result, it doesn't matter any more, my sisters and cousin had achieved what I am achieving and it is normal for me to be able to do it. No matter how good I am trying to look good, it doesn't matter, they had already looked that before or even better. No matter what, it feels like I am always living in their shadow, behind their back!
Everything that I did is taken for granted, just because they had achieved it earlier than I do. I tried so hard. I ensure that I do better than them no matter how hard it is. I participated in prefectorial board, first aid team to national level, two busiest and most looking forward board in our school. I wanna prove I am better! I exist! But no one ever care or wanna care. Then, now in University, I tried my best to maintain my result, I tried my best in club stuff. Again, wanting to prove that I am better but still no one would ever care. Sometimes, I wonder why am I even trying?! No one would really mind, because all of it is just something normal should be achieved. Just because I have better sisters whom did it before...
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